All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
