That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
