woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
