I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
