whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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