just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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