Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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