I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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