I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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