I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Green mimosas i think yes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
