Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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