the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
