he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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