then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
