If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
