This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
