this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
