I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
