i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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