I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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