Already got asked if we're dating
Your face is a jimmy john
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
