I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
