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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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