marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
