careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
