Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
