i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
