Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
