before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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