yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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