bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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