I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
