Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
