I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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