WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
