Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
a search helicopter?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
