I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
