ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
