Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
