I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
