He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
