I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Michael Bay diarrhea
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
