I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
