Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
