remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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