You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
