Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
