Already got asked if we're dating
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
