can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
