just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
