I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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