im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
