she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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