I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How does one acquire holy water?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We smell like vodka and hangover
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