I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
