is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
