Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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