I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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