This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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