I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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