How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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