So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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