On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
