what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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