I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Your dad touched me again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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