yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
