If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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