On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
