I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
