ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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