she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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