my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
