im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
