The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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