I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
