Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
