so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
