I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
