I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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